Here are some examples of how NOT to market your property. Amazingly many of these tired worn out pitches are still used by some real estate professionals. Why?! Â Here’s a humorous take on real estate marketing phraseology. Â Hope you enjoy it!
Will Not Last!   Not to burst your bubble, but those 347 days on the market are telling a different story
The seller Says Sell! No way, I thought you had snuck this listing on the MLS without their knowledge!
Big Deck in Rear! This is just one letter away from a whole heap of embarrassment, use only with extreme caution!
Needs TLC! Â What’s the difference between Tender Loving Care and Tile, Lumber, and Concrete? Tons of Loose Cash! TLC!
Pottery Barn Decor! Â Â The Pottery Barn is a store, not a style. And the sellers will be taking their decor with them!
Cozy  Which means small. C’mon, let’s just call it what it is: an itty bitty nook.  You know a twin-size bed won’t fit in there.
Priced to Sell! Well geez, I’d certainly hope so cause if it weren’t – Â there wouldn’t be any point in selling it!
Mr. Clean lives here! Does he come with the property?
Hot Water Heater! Â Sorry, but technically it’s a water heater. Saying hot water heater is redundant. Â If the water was hot you wouldn’t need a heater.
Updated! Â This is cool to use if say the home was updated in the last couple of years. Â But if the home was updated in the eighties I’m sorry it’s outdated again.
Better Than New Construction! A textbook example of hyperbole is “C’mon down, these houses are better than new!”
Walking Closets! Ahh, that’s why we keep shoes in there!
Don’t Let This One Pass You By! Â Why, is it on wheels?
Show and Sell! Â So I’m showing just for kicks, and not trying to sell a buyer a house? You have a wonderful grasp of the obvious…not!
Open House This Weekend! Â Which weekend?
Room for a Pool! Â There’s nothing like advertising something that it doesn’t have (but could). Why not room for a goat farm or Ferris wheel? Doesn’t have it now, but it could?!
Rancher! Â Ranchers have cows. Â It’s a Ranch Style home.
Too much to list! Â No, it’s not. C’mon, give it to me. Â I’d rather spend a few more seconds reading your listing description than visiting your listing and have it underwhelm my client.
Honey Stop the Car! The last time I saw that line, the house was being AUCTIONED!  Keep driving!
