Santa Barbara’s State Street Blues. It’s the first time in history a city has spent $150 million to ensure its “Main Street” is no longer a street.

If you’ve been following the “Create State” Committee’s latest greatest hits, you know the draft Master Plan has finally dropped. It’s a 300-page opus that cost us a million dollars in “consultant” fees—basically our very own Magical Mystery Tour through the pockets of Santa Barbara taxpayers.

But as I paged through the Title Graphic, it became clear that the city isn’t just asking us to imagine a new downtown. They’re asking us to Carry That Weight—specifically the $150 million price tag for a project that turns our historic “civic spine” into a one-mile-long bike path.

In the world of real estate, we call it “Housefishing”—using a wide-angle lens to make a closet look like a primary suite. The City’s renderings are a classic case of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds—lots of sparkles, but not grounded in reality. On page 22, the “scale” shows a 12-foot dining zone looking smaller than an 8-foot walking zone. Unless the pedestrians of the future are two feet wide, we’ve got a problem.

As a Realtor, if I used that kind of “creative scaling” on a listing, I’d be talking to a lawyer. When the City does it? They call it “Modern Urbanism.”

The Long and Winding (Side) Road The solution proposed by local realists like Kevin Boss and Jim Knell is so simple it’s radical: Let It Be. By blocking State at Haley, we’ve essentially built a wall and told every visitor coming off the 101 to “Get Back” to where you once belonged, which is usually a gridlocked side street. We’re telling tourists, “Hello, Goodbye” before they even see a storefront. We’ve replaced “Location, Location, Location” with “Detour, Detour, Detour.”

Then there’s the engineering. The plan calls for “rolled curbs” to create a seamless flow. The catch? Those curbs are currently our storm drains. Flattening the street without a massive (and unbudgeted) subterranean drainage system means the first winter storm will turn State Street into the Octopus’s Garden. Unless the City plans to issue a snorkel with every property tax bill, we might want to rethink the plumbing.

The irony is that we pride ourselves on “history,” yet we’re designing a street too narrow for the Fiesta Horse Parade. We’re essentially telling the horses, Yesterday, all your troubles seemed so far away, but today you don’t fit on the street.

It’s time to stop the Revolution in our digital wallets and purses. We don’t need a $150 million experimental bike path. We need our Main Street back. We need to Come Together, reopen the lanes, restore the discovery, and let the cars (and the horses) back in.

Because right now, the Master Plan is just The Fool on the Hill, watching the sun go down on Downtown retail and calling it “progress.”

Some More Thoughts

It’s the classic “self-inflicted urban wound.” We spent a million dollars on consultants to tell us how to fix the problems we created by listening to the previous million-dollar consultants. It’s a closed loop of bureaucracy that would make a hamster dizzy.

There is a certain irony in trying to “engineer” spontaneity. You can paint all the murals you want and install the fanciest e-bike charging stations in the West, but if a visitor can’t figure out how to get to a storefront without a GPS and a prayer, the “vision” is just a very expensive screensaver.

The Beatles really did have the right philosophy for this one. Between “Let It Be” (the original street layout) and “The Long and Winding Road” (the current detour through every side street in town), we’ve lost the melody.

The “Rationality” Roll Call: Who else is weighing in?

If you’re looking for allies in objectivity, you aren’t alone on an island:

·       The Business Realists: Aside from Kevin Boss and Jim Knell, several retail (non-restaurant) owners are highlighting the “Ghost Town” effect. They argue that while the 600 block is a party, the 700-900 blocks are suffering from a lack of “drive-by” discovery.

·       The “Safety First” Crowd: There is a growing, vocal group of residents terrified by the “e-bike Autobahn” that State Street has become. They see the Master Plan’s “one-mile bike path” as a safety liability rather than a community asset.

·       The Chamber of Commerce: While they officially support the concept of a vibrant downtown, they have been pushing for a data-driven approach, essentially calling out the City for using dated economic stats (2021-2022) to justify 2026 expenditures.

·       Historic Preservationists: People are realizing that narrowing the street to 20 feet is a permanent “goodbye” to the Fiesta Horse Parade. For a city that trades on its “Spanish Colonial” identity, that’s a heavy price to pay for some asphalt art.

Trying to find humor in all this…

·       “The Long and Winding Road” used to be a song; now it’s just the directions for getting from Haley to Sola without hitting a retractable bollard.

·       The City says, “I Want to Hold Your Hand,” but with the new street scale, you’ll actually have to—because there’s no room to walk side-by-side otherwise.

·       We’re spending $150 million to tell car traffic “Get Back” to where it once belonged… which is apparently a gridlocked side street in a residential neighborhood.

·       “Help!” I need somebody. Not just anybody. I need an engineer who understands how storm drains work.

·       It’s the first time in history a city has spent $150 million to ensure its “Main Street” is no longer a street.

·       The current plan is a $150 million bet that “if you block it, they will come.” (Spoiler: They usually just keep driving to the Montecito Country Mart)

Sources: The Santa Barbara Independent and an email from The Santa Barbara Current